In a post on the discussion site Mumsnet, the user explained: “I’m autistic and really struggled with my mainstream school, so when I was 6 my parents applied for, and got me a place, at a private school. I received a large bursary as it was not something they could have afforded otherwise. I will always be grateful to them for that decision as it was that which led me to be able to cope in school, go to university, get a well-paying job and be able to support them financially now.”
Her brother, on the other hand, was turned down by private schools and continued to attend mainstream school when they were children. “He holds this against me and I think my parents [feel] guilt about how our schooling differed. He makes most of his money dealing drugs and does cash-in-hand work too. He posts all over Facebook about how his daughter is his world, has her name tattooed on his arm, generally makes a big show about being a dad but in reality does as little parenting as possible,” she explained.
According to the National Center for Education Statistics, around 10 percent of U.S. students attend private schools, with parents citing reasons for choosing private schooling for their children including religion, a desire for same-sex education, and smaller class sizes.
But despite the poster’s personal experience, a 2018 study conducted at the University of Virginia revealed that children who attend private schools are generally no better off than those who attend public schools.
Using a large data sample of school children, 1,364 families participated in the study that followed children through their schooling until age 15, having them complete annual interviews to gain insight into their lives.
Results found that while private school students were often outperforming public school students academically, the difference was negligible when accounting for family income and parents’ level of education.
For example, they found that children from higher-income backgrounds are more likely to have educational resources and support from an earlier age, regardless of the school they later attend. Meanwhile, there was no evidence to suggest that low-income children or children enrolled in urban schools would benefit more from private school enrollment, suggesting that this would eliminate the advantages of private schooling.
The Mumsnet user explained that she and her husband have financially supported their niece and her mother since the brother and the child’s mother split up. She explained: “None of my family know this because I know it would get back to my brother and he would demand that we give him the money.”
For the last few years, the niece had been attending a private pre-school, paid for by the Mumsnet user and her husband, and she revealed that the school had now suggested that she apply for a place at the main school.
The poster explained: “Her mom has seen the difference private schooling made to my life and wants the same for her daughter so had approached us and asked if we’d be willing to pay those fees. She knows it’s a large outlay so there’s no obligation, but it’s something we’d like to do.”
She explained that she and her husband live in his home country where state education is really good, and so do not need to send their own children to private school.
But concerns crept into the woman’s mind when she considered how the rest of her family would react if they found out she was paying the fees. “This will cause a lot of upset and resentment,” she said. “My parents often make noise about things they think we should pay for but I’m unwilling to do so, like a bigger house, and I’m sure they’ll be angry we pay these fees but don’t want to buy them everything they want.”
Stuck with what to do next, she reached out for advice on the discussion site, asking if she should support her niece with a school fund and risk the family upset, or say no and put her family’s feelings first.
“It’s your money,” said one commenter in reply to the post. “If your family doesn’t like it that is their problem, not yours.”
Another Mumsnet user said: “It is pretty shocking that your parents would resent expenditure on their granddaughter. You will never feel happy if you allow your choices to be influenced by those with shoddy values.”
“Tell your niece’s mom that a condition of you paying is that she doesn’t tell anyone you are financing it,” suggested one commenter.
