In a lengthy post on the discussion site Mumsnet, a woman using the name “canthandleniece” explained that her brother and his family are due to move overseas so his son can participate in a clinical trial for nerve regeneration.
But his 15-year-old daughter Mary “doesn’t want to leave her friends behind” and is keen to finish her year of school.
The woman wrote: “My brother has asked if Mary can stay with me and my family while she is in school. He has offered to pay us monthly for her food and utility usage while she is here with us and she will go stay with them during the holidays.
“I’m going to be very blunt here. No one (Not me. Not my husband. Not our children) likes Mary. It’s not because she’s purposely unkind. She is just incessantly annoying. She talks nonstop. Constantly asks questions. Many of which can be very invasive.
“She also often interrupts. Often to correct you for something you said. I swear the number of times she’s gone ‘well actually’ in an afternoon is enough to drive me insane. I really don’t think she is an unkind person. It seems more like an impulse issue.”
Living arrangements for families vary widely around the world, according to Pew Research Center. It has found that U.S. children are much less likely than children elsewhere to live in extended-family households. In the U.S., 8 percent of children live with relatives such as aunts and grandparents, compared with 38 percent of children globally.
This is partly because “living in extended families is linked with lower levels of economic development,” according to Pew. “Financial resources stretch further and domestic chores such as childcare are more easily accomplished when shared among several adults living together.” Americans live in smaller households—3.4 people on average—than the global figure of 4.9 people, it added.
In the Mumsnet extended family dilemma, the woman said: “I don’t think having her live with us full time would be a good idea as she would drive us mad.” She told her brother they wouldn’t be able to house the teenager, glossing over the reason, but he “kept pushing.”
“He brought up how we have an extra bedroom and how since our son goes to the same school as her our commute schedule wouldn’t have to change.”
Eventually, the woman said she “gently told him how the issues she has are very hard for my family to handle and that we couldn’t tolerate her full time.”
Her brother was unimpressed, saying Mary’s “life is going to be turned upside down and I wasn’t willing to look past a few quirks and help.” He ended the call, sarcastically calling his sister a “great aunt” before hanging up.
However, Mumsnet readers have pointed out that Mary’s parents could have handled the situation differently: so one parent would stay with their daughter and the other would go abroad with their son.
Plenty of commenters sympathized with the teenager, but said the woman had to consider her own children.
One wrote: “No, you are not turning her life upside down, they are. The obvious solution is for one parent to go with the brother and the other stays here with Mary. You absolutely should not feel pressured into something which will radically alter all your day-to-day lives.”
Another posted: “I think you are not being unreasonable—it’d be far worse to ignore all of the issues you’ve mentioned to have her stay, then be unable to continue having her stay when it all becomes too much for your family. Unfortunately, you need to prioritize yourself and your [children]. It’s tough for them, but it’s the way the world is. Your brother needs to not take his frustrations out on you by being sarcastic, it’s just probably a hard situation for him too.”
One commenter thought she would have taken in the teenager, but “stamped on her ‘quirks’ straight away in a non-aggressive way and trying to be as kind as possible.” She suggested comments such as “Don’t interrupt please, it’s very rude and annoying” or “Well actually, Mary, it is really annoying when you keep saying ‘well actually.’”
In this way, the commenter added, Mary’s aunt “could have done her a huge favor.”
Newsweek has not been able to verify the details of the case.
