But here's the thing: Mascots are designed to appeal to kids, not the cynical, sarcastic denizens of the Twitterverse. Won't somebody please think of the children?

We will! We asked Cameron McGuire, the 10-year-old son of SN's MLB editor, to rank each of baseball's mascots for awesomeness. Here's what he came up with:

  1. Phillie Phanatic (Phillies)

    “I like it because it’s funny. I kind of like the way it looks. It actually does funny stuff.”

  2. Bernie Brewer (Brewers)

    “I like the mustache, first of all. I also like how he goes down the slide whenever the Brewers hit a home run.”

  3. Pirate Parrot (Pirates)

    “I guess the parrot is sort of a good idea for the Pirates. The way they say “Pirate Parrot” sounds good together.”

  4. Mr. Met (Mets)

    “I like the baseball head.”

  5. Southpaw (White Sox)

    “I like how it’s all green and stuff.”

  6. Lou Seal (Giants)

    “I guess I like the glasses. That’s sorta good.”

  7. Mr. Redlegs (Reds)

    “I guess, just like the Mets one, I like the baseball head. I sort of like the old-fashioned hat and mustache.”

  8. Stomper (A’s)

    “What I like about the A’s one is that it’s an elephant, and I guess that’s sort of unique.”

  9. Paws (Tigers)

    “I sort of like the stripes.”

  10. Billy the Marlin (Marlins)

"I like the multi-colors — like the orange and the blue. I like the bill and the fin."
  1. Screech (Nationals)
"He looks pretty cool. I like the beak."
  1. Wally the Green Monster (Red Sox)
"I like that it's named after the Green Monster. I like the way the pants are blue."
  1. Homer the Brave (Braves)
"It's sort of identical to the Mets one except for the hat."
  1. Dinger (Rockies)
"What I like is the different colored dots. I sort of like the horns."
  1. Orbit (Astros)
"There's just something about green mascots that make them look weird in a good way."
  1. T.C. Bear (Twins)
"In way it reminds me of 'Goldilocks and the Three Bears.' It looks just sort of like a fairy tale bear."
  1. Fredbird (Cardinals)
"I like the feathers on his arms."
  1. Oriole Bird (Orioles)
"I kind of like the stirrups. Whenever I look at him, that's the first thing I see. Most of the mascots don't have them."
  1. Mariner Moose (Mariners)
"I like that it's a moose, and the antlers."
  1. D. Baxter the Bobcat (Diamondbacks)
"I think I like the cartoony ones beter than the more realistic ones."
  1. Raymond (Rays)
"I like the hair and the mustache. And I sort of like the yellow and the black on the bottom of his shoes."
  1. Clark (Cubs)
"This one doesn't really look like something funny. I like the backwards baseball cap."
  1. Ace (Blue Jays)
"It's just a blue jay, it's not anything special."
  1. Rangers Captain (Rangers)
"Here I don't really like how it's a horse. It just looks weird in a bad way."
  1. Slider (Indians)
"What I don't like is how it's all pink. To me, I think it's the mustache, but it looks kind of scary."
  1. Swinging Friar (Padres)
 "I just don't really think that's what you want a mascot to be. I don't like that it's a person. The mouth looks kind of creepy."


PHOTOS: See a slideshow of each mascot