Germans’ chilly attitude toward children is such an established fact of life that there’s even a word for it: kinderunfreundlich, or “child unfriendly.” You quickly learn to keep your Kinder out of the way. My first memory of Bonn is of a woman in a fur coat knocking over my 3-year-old son-who’d gotten in her way– without even a backward glance, let alone an apology. Neighbors may call the police when children play outdoors on Sunday, a sacred “quiet day.” Go apartment hunting and watch your coveted 2 BR + NU KIT go to someone who doesn’t crave kids. Or take your preschooler to a bookstore. He asks to buy a comic, and the saleswoman tells him to shush-and tells you, “Can’t you control your offspring?”
Der Spiegel, a German newsweekly, recently reported that as many as 400,000 children are “severely abused” each year. The German federation for the protection of children puts the figure closer to a million. “It’s a scandal,” said youth minister Angela Merkel recently. “We Germans treat house pets better than children.” Most typically, Kinderunfreundlichkeit shows up as intolerance or neglect: parent who lock their kids out of the house for misbehavior, shop clerks will ignore a child trying to buy something, landlords who bar children from playing on the grass. Sometimes hostility masquerades as exaggerated solicitude. “People will ask why your child is crying in the supermarket, or tell you that he isn’t properly dressed,” says the wife of a foreign diplomat in Bonn. “The implication is that the child shouldn’t be there at all.”
There are no easy explanations for such behavior. Many sociologists say Germans are too materialistic and too busy to bother with children these days. Housing is expensive; living costs are among the highest in Europe. To afford that shiny BMW and vacations in Tenerife or Guadeloupe, both partners in a modern German marriage must work. But since day care is almost unknown in Germany, a Mutter must drop her job and become a Hausfrau. The result is stress–and resentment. Small wonder that births are down to 1.4 per family, and that nearly half of all German couples have no children (chart).
Other explanations look to psychology or history. Some observers suggest that children, naturally unruly, offend the Germans’ love of order. Others argue that Hitler’s glorification of good “Aryan” mothers has stigmatized children and motherhood for younger generations of German. The simplest explanation may be troubling. As one schoolteacher in Bonn puts it, “We are not, in general, an especially open or friendly people.”
The new concern for children’s rights reflects a changing spirit in Germany. As Europe unifies, Germans are gradually adopting many of the more liberal ways of their neighbors, especially in such fields as education and women’s and family issues. Indeed, Parliament’s new child-protection law was proposed specifically to bring German social practices into line with the United Nations’ Convention on the Rights of the Child, signed by Germany last year.
The question is whether the state can mandate attitudes. Mindful of the declining birthrate, Bonn has long encouraged Germans to breed by offering generous fertility stipends–$500 a month for the first 18 months of a child’s life. Federally funded advertisements portray cuddly lovers crooning, “One plus one makes three . . . We want a child.” Neither the money nor the ads has made much difference. The new legislation presents its own problems. Under the new law, children will be informed of their rights from kindergarten onward-and be encouraged to report parental transgressions. “This will sow minefields of conflict within the home,” declared the liberal Die Welt. The larger difficulty is that Germany’s child-friendly legislation addresses symptoms rather than causes. Without more fundamental change, from government-funded day care to general cultural attitudes, Kinderunfreundlichkeit will continue to shape even such things as this real-estate ad in Bonn’s local newspaper: “Available: two-bedroom apartment with spare room suitable for children or dog.” The “room” turns out to be a dark and airless storage space under the stairs. And they say that Germans love dogs?
Photo: Keep off the grass and stop making so much noise: At play in Dresden (SHEPARD SHERBALL-SABA)
Graph:
Declining Birth Rates 1989 BIRTHS PER THOUSAND United States 16.2 France 13.6 Sweden 13.6 United Kingdom 13.6 Switzerland 12.2 Germany* 11.2 Italy 9.7 *E. GERMANY: 12.0; W GERMANY 11.0 SOURCE: THE EUROPA WORLD YEARBOOK, 1991; FRANCE, GERMANY AND ITALY FIGURES ARE PROVISIONAL
